This is a public service announcement

I retracted wednesday's reference to Hitler and his feelings on diversity. I am aware that my humor is often times outrageous and offensive, however, since I am not trying to be a huge asshole and I meant nothing by it I took that one down. I apologize. I also apologize for all the offensive things I will probably say in the future. I'm sorry.

In other news, I know you're thinking I may have disappeared, got kidnapped or better yet ran away to a place where shoes are unnecessary, but I haven't. I decided to extend the long weekend by 2 days with no official posts. I will however be back posting on Monday if not sooner. I can't be sure.

In case you were curious as to what i've been up to, last night my Man and I had a fabulous date night. It consisted of Moxies (Chicken Q), Cold Stone Creamery (Reese's Peanut Butter Cup with Banana Ice Cream) and JERSEY SHORE B****. It's actually disturbing how much I enjoy that show. As we sat there and watched it I could feel the permanent grin on my face.



What Would The Situation Do



Everything.

I leave you with this...



That's me. This is funny for several reasons but mostly because they cut my head off. YEEEEEESSSS, I got the Cornwall Mall back to school ad campaing. NOOOOOO, i'm missing a head.

Simply Happy

So I woke up yesterday morning totally excited to make coffee and drink it. Yup, this is a true story. Homemade coffee first thing in the morning is SO exciting. That and watching Regis and Kelly drink their coffee too. I think that’s why they sit at a table directly facing the camera, that way when I’m at home staring at the TV I feel like I’m actually on the other side of their table. Cheers. It’s great being simple.

Speaking of simple I just about deposited my Sasktel Bill into the company’s bank account. I stuck all the cheques into an envelope and accidentally stuck my own personal Sasktel bill in as well. How? Not exactly sure. Just before sealing it I decided to randomly scan through the cheques one more time and wondered why “Bill for SaskTel Services” was giving us money. Oh right, they weren’t.

My breakfast is another example of being simple. The same Cookie has made me happy almost every day for the last 6 months. I can’t imagine how exhausting it would be to try and think of something different to eat every morning. Diversity is over rated. If I want to switch it up I just switch Nut Butters. That’s it.



Simplicity makes websites like www.skinnyversuscurvy.com, www.thehollywoodgossip.com and www.theskinnywebsite.com very entertaining. Who's gaining? Who's losing? I need to stay informed. When is the next federal election? Who cares. http://tv.blinx.com is also sweet. I'm not sure if watching shows on there or www.ch131.com are legal but i'll break the law for Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.

For lunch I had some raw Kohlrabi and hard boiled eggs. That would be 3 hard boiled eggs to be exact. Have you ever heard of Kohlrabi? I LOVE it.

It looks like this...



I peel it and then eat it with salt and vinegar. Now I have yet to attempt this recipe but i'm posting it incase YOU want to try it. It all sounds good except for maybe the plain yogurt as a condiment, i'd replace that with Ketchup. Also I imagine you could just shred the Kohlarbi, fry them up in a little oil with salt and pepper and tat would be similar to shredded hashbrowns as well. Just saying.

Kohlrabi Hash Browns

4 medium kohlrabi bulbs (2 Angelic Organic size) washed, peeled
1 small onion, chopped
2 eggs slightly beaten
2 Tablespoons dried bread crumbs
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes crushed
pepper
1/4 cup olive oil
plain yogurt

Shred kohlrabi; squeeze out excess moisture.
Combine all ingredients except oil in a large mixing bowl; stir until well blended.
Heat oil in a large skillet. Fry kohlrabi mixture in batches; sautéing until golden, about 4 minutes per side. Drain on paper towels. Serve with a bowl of plain yogurt as a condiment.

Serves 4-5.
Laura Tillotson, Angelic Organics

When I got home from work I sat in the kitchen eating Cinnamon Swirl PB straight out the jar and comtemplating what I was going to do with my night. Originally I had planned on going for supper with Mel but some random stop sign running lady thought otherwise. When Mel was on her way back to work after lunch she was T-boned by another car (i'm not sure what else could T-bone you). Luckily, she wasn't hurt. Anyway, the point of this story is that when my Man decides to play video games and Mel gets in car accidents my nights are really shot to hell.

First, I looked around the condo castle becoming increasingly annoyed at how not clean it looked. Like seriously, I just cleaned it for GOOD on Saturday. Next, I thought about pouring myself a glass of Vodka water. I imagine the condo would look a lot cleaner through beer goggles. I veto'd that idea Big Brother style when I remembered what my hangovers feel like and instead considered taking up skateboarding in the front parking lot. FINALLY I decided on a happy medium, Chapters and possibly one Vodka water.



As I was driving to the other end of the city I casually checked myself out in the rear view mirror as I tend to do from time to time. Usually this results in less pleasant outcomes like almost rear ending the car infront of me or veering into another lane. HOWEVER, yesterday I was lucky I did. Now you know you have a serious problem when you're about to go out in public, happen to look in the mirror and see Cinnamon Raisin Swirl all over your chin. That was a close one.

Why... Did... I... Buy... MORE... Of... THIS



I had every intention of leaving Chapters with 30 dollars worth of gossip magazines after reading around 30 dollars worth while lurking in the magazine aisle. Instead, I left with TWO real books. What a pleasant suprise.

On the drive home I had what the Workers Compensation Board likes to call "a near miss." I was following an ambulance down one of the main roads that connect the north end of the city to the south. I spent the majority of these 10 minutes oogling all the decals and wondering if it was secretely rushing off to save someone. Anyway, it was time to make a turn on to a different road and that's when it happened. The ambulance also turning merged into the turning lane and proceeded to turn on it's signal light. Now this was not just any signal light but an entire flashing ARROW. Completely anarmored I continued to stare at the bright orange flashing arrow with no regard for anyone else on the road, I believe it may have been digital. It turned and I followed. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. I heard the sound of a loud horn as something flashed by me. Apparently it wasn't a turning light and there was only room for one car to turn left before the on coming traffic had arrived. Subconsciously I was just trying to relate to Mel. You got in an accident? me too. Weird.

Someone should really write a letter about the safety hazard that is the ambulance signal light.

I leave you with two videos of my favorite Comedian of all time, the late Mitch Hedberg. Watch ALL of each video, if you don't laugh i'm stranger than I thought.

The Men Tell Justin he's an Asshole

So how about The Bachelorette The Men Tell All, I was really disappointed that none of the most scandalous males were present. Where was…

Rated R



A&F Manager



Turns out I can see Frank's facebook page.

Or Flow Rider



To be completely honest the only thing I could think about was the fact that each and every one of those guys had the potential to get lucky with any one of the female audience members. I mean seriously, even Kasey could have had his choice of guard and protect worthy hearts.

The most shocking part about this revelation is that I'm pretty sure Craig R would have gotten the most action...



or The Phantom



After watching 2 hours of Bachelorette dirt I wasn't done yet. The 20/20 special? Obviously I watched that too. I think it was actually the same Bachelor special they played after last season's the Women Tell All, but i'm not one to complain. Now I know this was not exactly how the question was asked or answered but I believe it went something like this..

"How many people have sex on the show?"

"I would say the Bachelor or Bachelorette has sex with about 3 people per season."

WHAT?! Really? Doesn't anyone know what happened to that cow that gave away it's milk for free? It ended up ALONE. And milkless. That's what happened. The producer also said that Bob probably holds the record with a total 5 and half. 5 and half? Exactly what do you mean by half? I don't remember seeing any half women on the show.

Let's talk about the Bachelor Pad..



People TV Watch revealed 5 Secrets..

Natalie Getz, Jason Mesnick‘s season of The Bachelor: “I didn’t expect to go into the show and expect to find someone I really liked. And I went there and I had feelings for two guys … I’m talking to one of them [now] and well see where it goes. There’s a couple of relationships on the Bachelor Pad. We’ll see which one stuck through after the show wrapped.”

Jessie Sulidis, Jake Pavelka‘s season of The Bachelor: “[Being on Bachelor Pad] was a lot harder than being on The Bachelor. There are 24 hour cameras. The challenges are gonna surprise people. I was thinking Big Brother challenges, but it’s completely different.”

Michael Stagliano, Jillian Harris‘s season of The Bachelorette: Though he’s not actually on Bachelor Pad, he told PEOPLE, “Keep an eye on Kiptyn [Locke] and Tenley [Molzahn]. Some fireworks there. And Dave Good and Natalie. I know some other ones, but purely speculative.”

Krisily Kennedy, Charlie O’Connell’s season of The Bachelor: “Everything you think may happen, you have no idea. All bets are off. There was definitely backstabbing, drama, some catfights here and there. I can’t picture one episode not being crazier than the next.”

Nikki Kaapke, Jason Mesnick‘s season of The Bachelor: “I knew Wes [Hayden] [from Jillian Harris's season] before the Bachelor Pad and he’s not who people think he was … I know he had a crush on one of the girls, but I don’t think he found love … Craig M. [from Ali Fedotowsky's season] is also perceived as a dangerous person and he’s not. He’s very passionate, very intelligent.”

So who are some of the other faces we'll be seeing?

A blonde Elizabeth, I hope she writes someone a note along the lines of "you can't kiss, look at, talk to, breath on or sit next to any other girl in the house if you want to spend time with me."



Jessie, who i'm sure is all ready gearing up to spill someone's secrets...



Man Jesse from perculiar..



Even Crazy gets a room in the pad..



I know where i'll be August 9th. On my couch..

So last night before I settled in for a disturbing total of 3 hours of television I DID do something ACTIVE. I hit the gym for a workout, power class to be exact. My intentions all day were to go but when I started to waiver and reconsider around 4 o'clock my Sister dropped this line on me, "Oh really, you're NOT going now?! hmmm..." Disapproving stare, "I just don't think you'll be sorry." Damn it, fine. I'm coming. I would later regret this decision.

So we get to the gym, head into the group exercise room and set up our benchs. It was pretty full in there so space was tight. As we started the first track, the air started to move and I quickly realized I chose the WORST spot in the room. I was directly behind the man who taught the previous class, STEP. Everytime he made any sudden movements like squatting, clean and presses, shoulder lifts, every exercise in the class, etc.. a bad smell would waft my way. Since I can't hold my breath for an hour I thought about how most people would just tell me to breath through my mouth instead. However, I have always had a problem with this statement. I don't know what's worse, smelling something bad or inhaling it. I spent the rest of the hour confused. Smelling, inhaling, smelling, inhaling, gagging, smelling, while "I just don't think you'll be sorry," replayed in my mind.

Happy Monday

Or is it? I still don’t know how I feel about Mondays. Considering it’s the start of the work week and the farthest work day from Friday I’d say I don’t LOVE them. So let’s talk about something more fun, like the weekend.

Friday night my Man and I FINALLY saw Eclipse. I even went as far as to buy our tickets online and send my Man this email informing him.

Dear Secret Twihard,

You can stop worrying; I have our twilight tickets in hand. Now I know you are excited but I have to ask that you do not wear your Team Edward shirt to the theatre. We might see someone we know…

Of course I couldn’t just have a normal theatre experience because that would just be WEIRD. Instead we arrived, walked into the theatre only to find out that some idiot forgot to turn the lights on. See the lights are a key element when the previews have yet to start and there is nothing but dim light projecting off the screen. Not to mention that this light projects nowhere near the important places like the STAIRS. My Man didn’t have as much trouble as I did and apparently he forgot he was there with someone when he jetted up the stairs without me. When I finally made it to our seat, flustered and mad all I could think to myself was “there’s no way blind people wear high heels.”

Saturday I spent the morning watching Pretty Little Liars on my lap top and drinking Timmy Ho’s coffee. Tim Horton got it right with black coffee.



I think it was bring your dog to Tim's day...





In the afternoon my Man and I got groceries and discovered that Superstore (in the Northend) has an ENTIRE aisle dedicated to organic products. Basically everything by Bob Mill and all the important stuff like Nutritional Yeast, Agave, Cereal, Pop, Beer, Juice, Baking Mixes, Couscous, etc.. helped my Sister, her husband and my Dad set up their new deck. Okay, my Man helped, I watched.

Since it was Saturday night and I’m 45, I mean 24, I cleaned the entire Condo Castle top to bottom. I magic erased my hand prints off the cupboards, vacuumed, swept, DUSTED, I did it all. Now I know I’m going to have trouble with cleaning forever since the entire time I clean I feel as though I’m doing something award winning, something that should be recognized and honored. When I finished I also had a sense of accomplishment, but one that felt as though I accomplished something that is now done forever, not something that needs to be done on a weekly basis. Whatever though, my actual intentions were to make it humane so when I hire a once a month maid this week I won’t scare her off coming back again.

Sunday my Sister, my Mom and I headed out to the Lumsden gardens and bought a ton of fresh veggies and fruit. We went to two separate places, Scotties and Lincoln Gardens. At Lincoln Gardens I made friends with the cashier when I paid for my $2.20 Zucchini’s with my debit card. I think I really won her over when it lost the connection the first time and we had to do it all over again.

For supper we had a fish fry at my Parents house and it was AHmazing. I supplied the fish AKA my reflexologist supplied the fish since she sends me home with 4 bags of it at a time. So here’s how we made it.

Fish Fry Station

First my Mom coated the fish with flour. Next we dipped each piece in the mixture of beaten eggs and then coated them in the Cornflake Crumbs.



I remember someone telling me once that they thought Cornflake Crumbs were low budge. They are not. You are low budge.



To cook the fish my Mom pan fried them with a little Canola Oil. I wanted to see if you could fry them minus the Oil so I tried spraying a pan with Pam and cooking a couple. Success.

While we were eating inside, this squirrel was eating bird food outside.



I'd hang upside down for food too. He was the size of a small dog.



My Man and I also spent the weekend trying to break Bailey's bad habits...

Sick Day

I don't have much to report today other than the fact that I spent yesterday at home in bed, chugging Neocitran like it was a 2 Litre bottle of pop. I love pop.

What do you do when you're at home sick? I watch TV, sleep, eat, eat and eat. Yup, that pretty much sums it up. When it was time to crawl into bed and drift off into a neocitran induced slumber not only did I feel sick but I also felt full sick. Needless to say, even though i'm still not feeling so hot i'm back at work today. It was either that or we were about to encounter a food shortage in the condo castle.

One of the shows I watched yesterday was Jessica Simpson's the Price of Beauty. Why so late? Because I live in Canada and we don't get any of the good shows until everyone in the United States has seen them first.

I watched the first two episodes in which they jetted off to Thailand and then Paris for pret-a-port week. In Thailand they learned that it's considered attractive to be as pale as possible. It's crazy to think that here it is attractive to be as tanned as possible. In both scenarios what is attractive is not what comes naturally. The women in Thailand use dangerous lightening lotions to achieve the desired look, while here in Canada and the US we use dangerous tanning beds. Or lotions.. Guilty.

In paris they were exposed to the world of high fashion and the demand that's placed on models to be thin. The model they meet with actually divuldges the fact that models are weighed and measured on a DAILY basis. These fashion models are forced to be thinner than 98% of American women. Thinner than 98% of American women? Are you high? That is outrageous. I'm no stranger to the measuring tape and imaginary world that the fashion industry has created, the one that's inhabited by hungry females.

I found this little tidbit on empoweredparents.com...

Surely, you have heard about the damaging messages of the media that surround us, the statistics about fashion models being thinner than 98 percent of the American women and girls who view them, and the work of Anne Becker who did research on the Fiji Islands proving that when American television came on the scene in the South Pacific, a number of years ago, the rate of anorexia sky rocketed among viewers of the American sit-coms broadcasted.

Isn't that disturbing? It scares me that at my age I sometimes still struggle with size/weight when I KNOW all of this. I KNOW that the media has created an unrealistic body image, that the majority of models are too skinny and that beauty is NOT defined by your size. What about the young girls who don't know that? My Man likes me better when I'm not "model skinny" (as in the RIGHT measurements) to him those measurements are not attractive. However, he does think that tanned is more attractive. A**hole. I'm guilty of loving a tan too.

Audrey Hepburn said it best...

"I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls."

You know who has a nice womanly body in the entertainment industry? Kim Kardashian.

Agree or disagree?

This is the disheveled flag that waves above Superstore in the Northend of Regina..



The red stripe on the right hand side represents Quebec.

Bring on the WEEKEND!!

Peace Out

Jail Bait

I may not have left the Miss Sask Pageant with the Crown but I did leave with a 230 dollar Red Light ticket. That’s right. I went to check the mail yesterday, which I obviously haven’t checked since the middle of June (mails boring) when I noticed a rather LARGE envelope from the City of Saskatoon. I knew it was too big to be a “congratulations, I thought you should have won,” from the mayor of Toon town, which I’m still expecting by the way. Instead I opened up only to be greeted by…

MYSELF



Damn it. Why so many pictures of my car?

Underneath the first picture it reads, Vehicle behind stop line, light is red. Beneath the second picture it says, Vehicle in intersection, light is red. You don’t say. It also says something along the lines of, “on behalf of her majesty the queen,” something, something, something, “did unlawfully commit the following offence.” I can’t be sure but I do believe the Queen lives in England, in a castle, with guards, gauntlets, crowns and what not, what does she have to do with red lights in Saskatchewan? I’d like to have a word with the queen.

Dear Queen of England,

It must be awfully boring over in England for you to have to reign over Saskatchewan, Canada too. It seems as though someone has issued me a ticket on your behalf and I do not think I deserved this fine. Perhaps we could meet and discuss this over tea. Feel free to drop by the court on August 11th, 2010. However, if it would be more convenient to have me pop by the castle then I would be happy to do that as well. Please let me know SAP.

PS I’ve always wanted to try your mini crustless sandwiches, I do not know how I feel about the clotted cream though.

Yours truly,
B

Speaking of breaking the law, how about Lindsay blowhan, I mean lohan. Apparently…

"Understandably, Lindsay's having a difficult time adjusting as it would be for anyone," Shawn Chapman Holley told PEOPLE after the brief visit with her client Tuesday. "She's trying to make the necessary adjustments to an extremely stressful and difficult situation. There were some tears."

Yes, understandably. Those would be longing tears for the lifestyle she's more accustomed to.. It's okay though, I heard her cell actually has a little AMBIENce to help her sleep. Her lawer continues on by informing us all that, "her spirits aren't high.” What a wonderful choice of words Holley.

I wonder what Lindsay painted on her nails before heading into jail. If she wants to make friends she should probably change it to, “F Me.” If she plays her cards right she can con one of the big burley women who come running into being her personal body guard. However, nothing is free.

More importantly I hope for once she wore panties.

Anyway, I know you're probably dying to know what I had for lunch yesterday so i'll show you.


That would be Zucchini, Corn straight of the Cob and those turkey/chicken sausages from Costco. That's right, again i'm eating meat. Ignorance really is bliss.

At some point in the afternoon I also had THIS


Flatout and Naturally More. Still feeling the love.

Last night my immune system decided to go on vacation, I imagine it to be lounging on a beach in Jamaica somewhere with regards for no one but itself. It left me high and dry with a throat infection of some sort. I decided to push through it and try THIS...



Now I have to say, that all though it's only a 20 minute workout it is HARD. SO hard in fact that through out the workout I continuously ran over to pick up the DVD cover shouting, "how many MORE circuits are there?! UGH.." The point of this 30 day shred is to do the 20 minute workout everyday for 30 days. I'm going to do it. That's right, I said it. Now that I hopped on the Jillian Micheals band wagon I might as well stay on for the ride. All I ask of YOU is to hold me to it. If I quit feel free to call me names, boo me, throw things at your computer etc.. Okay maybe not the last one.

Anyway, I also went for a walk with my Sister and Bailey last night. Once we were on route for our leisurely walk my Sister sprung the idea of walking all the way to my parents house and all the way home on me. She wanted to pick raspberries. I agreed but only on the condition that I was not expected to help with the picking.

I think furhead enjoyed herself



Afterwards, I watched Big Brother which is actually turning out to be quite entertaining. Although i'm still undecided on who i'm actually cheering for I know a few things for sure. One, I continue to warm up to Rachel and Brendon. Two, Brittany and Monet are bitches. Three, Hayden is cute in puppy dog kind of way. Four, Matt is going to hell for giving his wife a fake disease. That's it.

Happy Thursday!

Twi-harder

You know what's still going strong?

The Breakfast Cookie


1/3 cup Oatbran, 1 Tbsp CRUNCHY PB, Cinnamon, 1 Tsp Maca Powder, 3/4 smashed Banana and 2-3 Tbsp Almond Milk.

I also continue to waste fancy paper plates like it's good for the environment. By the end of the week my garbage can looks as though I threw a party in my office.

Peanut Butter consumption straight from the jar is still going strong as well. I continue to eat it like it's my job and i'm shooting for a promotion. I figure my title should be something along the lines of Manager of Operations - operating the the spoon to mouth.

I'm ONE Tbsp away from finishing off the last of the Naturally More. Tear.



Moving along..

Last night my Man and I had a scheduled date night which was to include Sushi and Twilight. Sound familiar? Yes, we WERE supposed to do that last friday but when I realized I actually didn't have another pack of birth control (over share) and had NO refills I had no choice but to head to a (dirty) walk-in clinic instead. However, that was not before calling the doctor's office and harrassing the receptionist.

"I need a refill of something i've been getting for the past 3 years, can I talk to the Doctor?"
"Who's your Doctor?"
"Doctor C"
"I'm sorry she doesn't give refills over the phone."
"Okay, well can I talk to a different doctor."
"Which Doctor?"
"Ummm preferably someone who gives refills over the phone."
"Sorry, no one gives refills over the phone."
"WELL is there any room left in the walk in?"
"Nope."
"Urgh, well I need these pills today and I can assure that i'm not looking to stock up on packages and get high off birth control but thanks for your help. It's been a pleasure."

So we started date night out with dinner at Wasabi where I ordered the garden roll, which is steamed prawns, lettuce, cucumbers and rice. I LOVE this one but after having a piece of my Man's California roll I realized it's only my second favorite. You can never go wrong with the California roll, I have a sneaking suspiscion it's the fake crab meat and mayo that makes all the difference.

We were cutting it a little close for time but I figured since Twilight has been out for what? 4 weeks now? That we would be fine. I was wrong. I did not take into account the alarming rate at which Twi-hards are growing. As we walked into the theatre I slowly looked up at the movie board only to see "Twilight 6:35 Sold Out" printed on a low budge piece of computer paper. There it was taped onto the board, just hanging there flapping in the wind. It should have just said, "screw you, go home."

While I was standing there thinking, noooooo my WHOLE night is ruined. My Man asked if I wanted to go to Blockbuster instead. After feeling sorry for myself for about 10 minutes I finally let it go and cheered up. Actually, I cheered up because we had decided on renting From Paris with Love. I LOVE John Travolta. Love, love, love.

I give this movie 4 Peanut Butter Covered thumbs up. Two from me and two from my Man. NOT once during this movie did I wonder when it would be over, with an attention span like mine this says alot. I also give watching movies in a our theatre basement 4 Peanut Butter Covered thumbs up. You can't cuddle at the Galaxy.

After the movie was over we continued to be bums and watched more TV. Have you ever watched Wipeout?

This is why I like this show..

Last night I got a Brazilian...

BLOWOUT. Come on now, I am an over sharer but I wouldn't go THAT far. Have you heard of the Brazilian Blowout? I'll give you a little run down..

What is it?

It’s a system that is system is said to improve the condition of the hair by creating a protective protein layer around the hair shaft to completely eliminate frizz and smooth the cuticle.

Who does it?

According to celebritybeautybuzz.com, Nicole Richie is a fan of the new Brazilian Blowout treatment, a less radical version of the Brazilian hair straightening treatment. Nicole says, “Now I have the freedom to not have to blow-dry my hair every time I wash it, I can go swimming and not have to worry about the frizz.”

Amen Nicole, Amen. Last night after work I hit up a little salon called Saving Grace and got the blowout. See, I have naturally curly hair that I straighten on a daily basis. Much like Nicole I have a fear of getting it wet in social situations like the beach, the rain, swimming with any human being other than myself. I should have really taken a before picture of my air dried hair and you would understand. ANYWAY, I was super nervous going into the salon. What if my hair is so straight it's flat to my head? What if I don't like it? What if it looks like I have no hair? I hate change, I hate hairdressers etc..

Throughout the process I probably asked the hairdresser 30 different questions. Most questions were actually statements and threats masked as questions like, "it's not going to be stuck to my head RIGHT? That would be BAD," and "I'm still going to have volume RIGHT?" and my favorite, "Oh no, so far i'm not liking this. I'm GOING to like it RIGHT?"

When it was all said and done I left there somewhat happy yet somewhat unsure. Oh and somewhat happy yet somewhat mad at the hairdresser. All I was thinking was, "i'm not sure if I like you yet." My hair felt silky, smooth and looked healthier BUT it also looked a HELL of a lot thinner. In my head I was busy reassuring myself that I would like it once I get to blow dry it myself. Fast forward to this morning. I woke up, washed my hair, let it air dry while I made coffee and watched Regis and Kelly. Once it was no longer soaking I took the blow dryer to it. It was dry within two minutes and STRAIGHT. Although it may have lost some of the unhealthy damaged puffiness it had before, my hair no longer takes me 20 minutes in the morning. Blow and go. I LIKE it.

Let's let Enews! explain it better..



Side Note: Everyone will LOVE the Brazilian Blowout. I HIGHLY recommend it. My only concern has nothing to do with the blowout itself but with the actual thickness (fine, thinness) of my own hair.

Moving along..

Bachelorette Monday

Frank the tank made Ali ugly cry on national television and then tried to make her feel better by ugly crying too. Frank was busy playing, Ali says. Ali says, "cry." Frank cries. Ali says, "cover your face with your hands." Frank covers his face with his hands. Ali says, "wipe tears from your eyes." Frank wipes tears from his eyes.

Ali actually said and I quote, "Frank is the biggest jerk i've ever known."

Are you SURE?

Frank may be the biggest jerk who manages an Abercrombie and Fitch location you've ever known but that's it. And we will only give him that much because I wanted to announce that he manages an ABERCROMBIE and FITCH.

Also in last night's episode, Ali and Chris were busy boat cruising, swimming and hunting for pearls in Oysters. That's right, hunting for pearls in Oysters. If you can have fun pearl hunting in Tahiti with a guy then you can definitely make it through anything in the real world. Meanwhile, Roberto was sweating buckets as if Tahiti were actually located ON the sun.

In this next picture my artistic talents speak volumes, my opinions are shining through each stroke of my computerized paint brush.



Who will Ali choose?!

Making the Band

So lately i've been considering breaking into the music industry as a producer. My dream? To create the next boy band. Let's be honest, the Jonas Brothers are fading fast, getting married and what not. Bieber fever is still going strong but lets be realistic, what kind of staying power does a one man show REALLY have?

After searching youtube for my future band, I think I found exactly what i'm looking for. These kids have that special IT factor it takes to be a star. Each one them a musician in his (maybe her, I can't be sure) own right. All I have to do now is get in contact and draw up a sneaky contract that tricks them into giving me full control of their lives.

Now if you are at work, secretely wasting valuable work time reading my blog (thank you) and do not want to draw attention to this fact by playing these videos out loud - do yourself a favor, log back on later and watch them at home. Also, invest in some head phones, 40 hours a week? That's ridiculous.

Lets begin...

Here we have the Chubby Cupcake Boy, he looks like he's going to explode.



He will be the token weird/funny band member. His role will be similar to that of Cowboy Troy in Big and Rich. He's the show within the show.

Here we have the emotional Mini Fergie.



I feel like girls will relate to him. He will be the "nice" band member that girls imagine bringing home to meet their mom. Comparable to Brian in the Backstreet Boys.

And now the My Humps Beat Boxer.



There are points in his song when you actually question whether it's english that he is speaking. He doesn't necessarily know the words but he's grasped the just of the "sound". He will be bring the beat. What a talented family this is. I might snipe up his little mechanic brother in the background for tour bus maintenance.

And please welcome, Hit Him Baby One More Time.



My favorite move is when he hugs himself. I feel like this has "signature move" potential written all over it. With his blonde hair and sexy dancing he will be a winner with the girls for sure. Shame on his Mom for scaring him in the midst of his performance.

And last but CERTAINLY not least, Hey Jude Boy (or girl)



He or she (this is questionable - the tank says she, the hair cut says he) brought it. The kids got a stage, props (stuffed cars), musical instruments, a mic, various range and pitch all of which created a solid delivery. Diaper aside I truly felt like I was at a concert. This kid will be the lead.

Now this one has nothing to do with the music industry and i'm sure many of you have already heard about this little indonesian boy, but I needed to post it anyway. And he is holding a guitar. He has a certain swagger and maturity for his age. Perhaps he could be the manager.



Was anyone else scared he was going to burn his nipple?

Before I got let's talk about me for a second. Yesterday I slaved away at work all day reconciling bank statements, chugging diet pepsi and swiveling in my swivel chair. Absolutely nothing exciting or entertaining happened. I did however, make some more headway in the Eclipse reading. I have two more chapters to finish before 6:35 tonight. Oh and I watched Big Brother. Annie being the SABOTEUR (I hate that word, why not sabotager) totally came out of left field. A bisexual being a saboteur does make sense though. Well played Big Brother, sh** could have got weird. You slept with Brendon AND Rachel?

Anyway, my Man asked me around 8 o'clock if I wanted to go to Moxies for suppa. Obviously, I said yes. Now that's 3 Moxie suppers in the last 4 days. Life is good. I'm considering just moving in. The big booth in the lounge looks rather comfortable. Plus the cooks have to know me by now. I'm sure the "Quesadilla with no cheese and a side of ranch" is a fairly unique/unusual/abnormal request. When the order comes up I imagine their reaction to be something along the lines of, "damn it, THIS girl AGAIN. How many times a week does she eat here?" Three. Three times a week.

Flatout Good

Yesterday morning I woke up, re-heated some coffee from the night before and hit play on my Tivo’d Ellen DeGeneres show as I got ready for work. On my way out the door the previous morning I was about to turn the TV off when I heard “and up next Justin Bieber.” Obviously, we all know my finger moved from the ‘power off’ button to ‘record’; nothing like a little bieber fever at 7AM. And you know what I discovered while getting ready? What I would look like if I were black. I caught my own reflection in my coffee.

So I thought I’d show you what I’ve been living off lately…





That’s right, flatouts slathered in Naturally More Peanut Butter. I now know where this Peanut Butter got its name from - you have some and NATURALLY WANT MORE. So yesterday I arrived at Safeway, which was a trip solely planned around the purchasing of more multigrain flatouts, only to find that they were ALL out. They were not however, all out of the Italian, Sundried Tomato, Original or White. After scanning the nutritional value of each flavor the only one that mimicked the stats of the Multigrain was the Italian. Unlike the other kinds, Italian and Multigrain have 7-8 grams of fiber and 9 grams of protein. Anyway, the moral of this story is that I went as far as to purchase the Italian Flavored flatouts and smother them with Peanut Butter. As would be expected these are not two flavors that complement one another but what was I supposed to do? Find something else to eat? Yeah, right.

Since my meals/snacks no longer have to be camera ready things have gotten random. I’m really enjoying dipping my Kashi Crackers in various Cream Cheeses. Cheese is such an anomaly for me. I do not like cheese in my Quesadillas or on my Pita Pizzas, but I do like cheese on regular pizzas. I do not like regular cream cheese but I do like flavored cream cheese. Other than the flavored cream cheese I only eat melted cheese, I hate unmelted cheese. I do however like cheese flavored chips, crispy mini’s, crispers, cheezies, etc.. Cheese is so complicated.

ANYWAY, you should really try this…

Dip THESE



In THESE little gems





There may not be anything organic or uber healthy about them but they DO taste REALLY good. You know what else is good? Cauliflower dipped in cream cheese, the strawberry or herb & garlic. Yeah, I said it.

So last night I met Mel at Moxies for dinner, which by the way really is my favorite hobby. We got there at 6:00 and left at 8:40. That's almost 3 hours. You would have thought our asses were glued to the seats. Our original meeting time was actually 5:45 but Mel was late. While I sat there waiting in the entrance I decided to pick up the sole copy of the Newspaper and in an attempt to look smart I pretended to read it. I'm glad I did because the one section that actually caught my attention was the TV Times "What's on tonight" Square. As Big Brother at 7:00 o'clock jumped off the page I called my Man and asked him to Tivo it.

Okay, so Big Brother. First of all, they did not cast anyone I can relate to therefore I imagine I will quickly lose interest. Usually like the self centered person I am I hone in on the person that reminds me of myself and root for them. Mean Blonde Girl - no, Bisexual - no, Old Cop - no, Two Silent Girls - no, Big Boobed Red Hed - double no.

Of course I always hone in on the goodlooking guys too, but whether they hold my attention or not relies on personality. Where is the cocky, funny, makes fun of everyone else guy? Neither Hayden nor Brendon have the IT factor i'm looking for here. However, I say this acknowledging the fact that it's early. Obviously, I'll keep watching. You know who my favorite Big Brother players of all time are??

SHANNON and Dr. Evil AKA WILL

So tomorrow is date night, Sushi and Twilight, and I have approximately 150 more pages of Eclipse to read before then. This movie better good. Or I may bite someone..

Goodbye Hills

"That's one of the questions: was it real or was it fake? We left it open" - Brody Jenner

How did YOU feel about the ending?! "was it real or was it fake"?? Personally, It's been six seasons you a**hole I think you owe me that much.

Highlights

The outfits..

For starters it was such an emotional night. Brody's crying, Kristin's crying, I'm crying..

Stephanie makes an insightful statement, “it’s like we’re all doing our own thing now. It’s like were all growing up. It’s weird. Like what’s going to happen to all of us?” Meanwhile I’m sitting on the couch answering, “Ugh I know right? What are WE all going to do? I’m probably going to continue to do the accounting for my parents company but I mean who really knows… ”

Stephanie also announced that she “came to Corona and got a boyfriend”. In my opinion, if that's what they're offering in Corona she should probably look elsewhere.

Kristin decides the best way to deal with rejection is by leaving the country. “Brody doesn’t want me? F U United States.”

Lo and Scott awkwardly get engaged without the ring or actual proposal, "You spend forever looking for the perfect girl and you are the perfect. I want to be with you forever."

And Audrina steals my house on the beach. I had just put in my final offer and BAM she took it right out from underneath me.

Afterwards, while the cast was tweeting about the rocking "dance party at Teddy's!!!!" Jade Nicole was tweeting, "New bag 2nite. Love it!!"

Then we had....

The City Finale

Now is it just me or is Olivia MUCH nicer to nonfluent English speakers?! Or perhaps it has nothing to do with the language barrier and she's just REALLY fond of the Japanese. Either way Japan loved her, they just ate her up. Little do they know the effects of food poisoning don’t kick in until hours after the fact. Olivia Palermo has been known to cause severe pain, nausea, diarrhea...

Ali Brod tried to lure Whitney over to the pink side with her Candies and streamers.

Whitney and Roxy had one tense conversation in which Roxy was trying to imply that LOYALTY is important and that she should not screw over Kelly Curtone (aka Roxy too) who has been there helping her from the start.

I'll leave you with this little gem.. Google Spencer Pratt at Hills Finale.

Rose's are red, Kirk's ___s are blue

Eyes, his eyes are blue. Don't be sick.

I'm sure there is something to be said for the way these boys are standing. If I knew a body language specialist I would call them up and have them analyze this for us. Since I don't, I'll do it myself. Roberto's head held high stance says, "I love being first. Pass that here already." Franks body language with the weight on the balls of his feet says, "run? stay? run? stay? I'm so confused." Chris and Kirk's body language says, "one of us is about to get kicked in the junk."



Dun Dun Duuuunnnn

KIRK. It's because his Mom has braces isn't it?

To sum up last night's episode I think Kim speaks for everyone when she sent me this text message last night, “Looooove roberto in the baseball gear – Yum”. Well said.

In other LOVE related news...

I have YET to find any Carrie Underwood wedding photos. How am I supposed to copy her entire wedding when I can’t even see how she decorated it, the bridesmaid dresses, the centerpieces, etc..? According to www.twirlit.com (be careful where you look on this website, bachelorette spoilers lurking everywhere) here is what we know so far…

• Carrie and Mike wed under a tent at the elegant Ritz Carlton Lodge, Reynolds Plantation (The Regina Inn is just like the Ritz Carlton Lodge only smaller, less elegant, not a lodge. These are minor details. I also heard there’s a sale on those pop up tents at Canadian Tire)

• There were 250 guests (I totally have 250 friends)

• Underwood walked down the aisle in a stunning lace dress by Monique Lhuillier (So what if the tag on mine reads, Monique Luillier. Luillier? Lhullier? Close enough. Tomatoes, Tamotoes)

• Monique Lhuillier also designed the bridesmaid’s dresses (they will wear their Luillier with pride. I might even buy them some Louis Vutton bags as gifts)

• Carrie and Mike ordered hundreds of delicious buttermilk pies for their guests (Reeses Peanut Cups for EVERYONE, you're welcome)

• Everyone – including the pie company, limousine company, the sheriff’s office and the resort – were asked to sign confidentiality agreements to uphold the privacy of the big day (Obvi every guest in attendance will be DYING to spill the beans on my elaborate wedding, these agreements are a must)

• PEOPLE secured the rights to the photos – and exclusive details – of the wedding, which they reportedly paid 2 million dollars for (I’m sure PEOPLE will come knocking on my door, I feel like I should try for 2.5 mill)

I’m not engaged yet but that’s the least of my worries. I need to get to Canadian Tire before the tents are gone.

I DID find some honeymoon photos of hot couple though..

So last night I attended a business dinner at Moxies. I feel so important just saying that. So last night I attended a business dinner at Moxies. Okay, i'll stop. My parents, my Sister's husband and my Sister have been going to these dinners for the past few years and FINALLY I got the invite thanks to my Man. I knew there was a reason he needed to work here. I should be offended that it took being someone's date to be invited but i'm not picky, i'll take it however I can get it. I'm not a part of the sales division which is cleary the FUN division.

Anyway, my Sister and I hit up the gym before dinner and the plan was to go straight from the gym to supper. My plan on top of that plan was not to sweat. Clearly a faulty plan from the start. We were doing Power and the more I sweat the more mad I got, "how many more squats? UGH it's fudgin HOT! Are you kidding me?!? Screw you." Luckily, I came out of there looking only have disheveled and luckily my Man loves me for more than looks. I hope.

After dinner, I finished the night off with the night in style.. BACHELORETTE and a side of Peanut Butter.

Hill Finale tonight? YES please.

Pretty Little Shorts

SO this weekend I started watching Pretty Little Liars on my favorite site of ALL time, www.ch131.com, since I don't get abc family (the GOOD channel). I'm officially addicted to it. I watched the first 3 episodes and then stopped myself. You know when something is so good you just want to savour it and drag it out as long as possible? Well that's what I'm going to do to with this show. It's funny because as I'm watching it I'm thinking, YES a show that's right up my alley, one I can relate too, one where I can check out their clothes, pretend that i'm in their click etc. I still do this with old episodes of the OC and the new 90210. This is sad. I'm 24, I've been out of high school for 6 years, I should have absolutely nothing in common with these characters.


Courtesy of www.abcfamily.com

But I mean there really is someone for everyone. You've got the "sleeping with her teacher" Girl..



The "used to be not cool but now cool" Girl



The "I Kiss my Best Friend" Girl..



The "I steal my Sister's Boyfriends" Girl...



And of course the Dead Girl...



Now I just need to get my hands on some episodes of Make It Or Break It..



I'm sure i'll have no trouble relating to a few teenage gymnasts. I liked to pretend that I too (with no experience what so ever) understood the struggles of the Cheerleaders in Bring It On.. Again.. Aain.. and Again..

Yesterday was filled with family outings. It started with brunch at my Man's grandparents house where I ate so much I thought someone was going to have to carry me away from the table. Crepes, eggs, toast, hashbrowns, fresh fruit, ham... I had everything but the ham. As we sat there eating our brunch I silently pondered why there is no such thing as Lupper?! I think this a meal that has been widely overlooked and one that I should shed light on. If I were to invite some family and friends over for lupper what would I serve? Steak and sandwiches?

Anyway, I always learn something new when I watch his Grandma cook. Yesterday I learned how to make hashbrowns. While I was busy rolling crepes like it was my job she was preparing the hashbrowns. Pleased with my plate full of strategically placed rolled crepes I started cleaning up the Kitchen. There were a TON of potato peels on the counter so I grabbed a dish and announced that I was going to pile them in the dish and then CARRY them over to the garbarge. Looking back i'm SO grateful that I announced this for no apparent reason. His Grandma looked over at me as I was heading to the garbage about to ruin everything, "Noooooo, those ARE the hashbrowns." Apparently, we were having them "shredded". THAT was a close call.

Later in the day we celebrated my Dad's birthday at my Aunts house with a nice supper and a game of Catch Phrase. I'm not sure if you're familiar with this game but basically you get a phrase (more like two words) and then you have to get your team to guess the word/catch phrase.



So, we had two teams, family against family and my turn came up. I clicked the electronic Catch Phrase tool and headband flashed across the screen. I figured this was going to be super easy since my Man has been sporting my headbands lately (when he's playing sports). Looking right at him I said, "This is something you LOVE to wear of mine." Immediately in all seriousness and with a look of victory he shouts out, "SHORTS". Obviously, everyone burst out laughing while simultaneously judging/wondering what kind of shorts. I could not compose myself as I pictured him wearing my tiny abercrombie sweatshorts while working out in our spare bedroom. Even as I type this story I feel like you're expecting me to offer up some sort of explanation. I do not have one, but he makes me laugh and if I had a picture of him in my shorts I'd post it.

In other news, I've been scouring the internet in search of Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher wedding photos. Where were the intrusive helicopters? Camouflaged Papz in the bushes? Uninvited guests with Cameras? The good friend who stabs her in the back and leaks the pictures to the press for large sums of money? WHERE... IS... EVERYONE? What a bust.


Courtesy of www.billboard.com

Bachelorette Monday tonight, YES.