Saturday Night Kicked My....

Butt. Unfortunately, I'm still too hungover from Saturday night to blog today. If I were to blog I'd probably have to talk about my headache that won't go away, the dance moves I busted out on the d-floor and the fact that I may or may not have passed out AT the wedding reception. Luckily, as Mel pointed out - my Man already put a ring on it. Luckily.

Since it's still too early to laugh about it, I'll wait and try again tomorrow.

You know how I know it's too early? Because someone couldn't pay me to send this T-shirt to my Man.


Drunk Girl T

CWIF

Happy Friday!!! Are you wondering what CWIF stands for? I decided to put a different spin on TGIF. This newer, improved version stands for Chug Wine It's Friday. Better, no?

So guess who's coming to town this weekend? This TANK.



If you think that's water in that bottle I can only assume that you didn't attend high school, a high school dance, or that you had copious amounts of money to spend on drinks in your bar starring days. Kim still doesn't like paying for drinks. JUST kidding, that's probably water. And vodka.

This weekend we have a wedding reception to attend. Yup, just the reception. The couple took off and got married in Jamaica. Why you'd go somewhere hotter, nicer and all inclusive to tie the knot is beyond me. What's wrong with snow, -20 and 5 dollar drinks? I'm thinking Regina should start promoting these kind of events, keep marriage in the city. The ad campaign could centre around this slogan, "In the Queen City your special moment will be forever frozen in time," or "Regina Weddings - where something blue is your toes." I like them.


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Funny story about that movie. My Sister's birthday is December 13th and one year back when I was probably 7 (I say that hoping 7 is still an okay age to be greedy and selfish) she was opening all her presents while I sat beside her and watched. My Grandparents, being the most amazing grandparents they are, gave me a little something too. You know, so I didn't feel left out. Well right after my Sister finished unwrapping her life sized doll, I opened Bluetoes The Christmas Elf. I cried. I threw a fit. I want to smack my 7 year old self.

Anyway, I promise to take lots of pictures tomorrow that way I'll have a really fancy post come Monday.

In other news, Lex and I are planning the date night of all date nights. NEXT Saturday night we're going to cook up a gourmet, professional style meal including wine and possibly even a bread basket. I said possibly. Following the meal we're going to watch a movie in Lex and Jon's theatre style basement. With the movie we're going to get all kinds of fun movie theatre treats. By the end of the night we should all be happy, tipsy and FULL. If not, we didn't do it right.

Sooooooo as of right now we're brainstorming/Lex is going through her cookbooks. I'd have offered to go through mine but I don't think "30 minute college meals" will suffice. I am doing some research though, yesterday I looked up "how to set the table" and here's what I found...





That is A LOT of gear for a formal supper. If you're three firsting (impossible since you only have two fists but clearly formal supper set-up disregards that fact) red wine, white wine and caffeinated tea I'd imagine your formal supper would become informal rather quickly. Rich people love cutlery.

Now here is mine, we'll call it Semi-Formal..



*Note* When dessert rolls around you can find the small plates and regular spoons in the kitchen cupboard and drawer.

PS I ended up loving Bluetoes The Christmas Elf and watching it every Christmas for years after. THEEE BEST movie.

Hate List

If you hadn’t noticed I never did come up with anything to say yesterday. Today I decided to share a list of all the things I hate. What a fun list, no? I got worked up just writing them down. Anyway, here they are. There are 6 things in total. I’m a lover not a hater…

1) Finding things. The moment my Man asks me for a piece of gum and I realize that the package is floating around in the depth of my purse my frustration begins. It is immediate.

2) Cardio. The other day when I got to the gym I really had to pee, however, I hate cardio so much that I told myself I couldn’t use the bathroom until cardio was over. Even at the time I was aware of what a stupid rule I had just made up. It didn’t stop me though.

3) Other people straightening my hair. EVERY time I go to the hair dresser, any hair dresser this isn’t specific to one, I want to throw a punch every time they squeeze and pull the straightener over the ends of my hair. LOOSEN it up, you are BREAKING them.

4)Other people brushing my hair when it’s wet or knotty (Hair Devils cough, cough I mean dressers). Breakage.

5) Tailgaters. No not the fun football kind who go so far as to bring play pens to stadium parking lots so the WHOLE family can take part, not that kind. The driving kind. The feeling of extreme dislike that rushes over me causes me to drive slower and mouth something along the lines of, “What the F?!” as they pass me in the other lane. It’s like they’re trying to bully you into moving over. Well I say NO.

6) Being hungry or more specifically hangry. I can’t go long periods of time without eating or I become grumpy. Just ask my Man about the shopping day in AZ where he threatened to drive me home, grab one of the twin bikes and ride away on me. That’s legit. He actually told me he was going to grab a bike and ride somewhere without me. I think he forgot there were two bikes. I’d FIND you.

This is Meika, my Aunt's dog. She is wearing a seatbelt. If this doesn't make your day I don't know what will. Go back to bed.

Hi

At this very moment I don't really have anything to say. Hopefully I will be back in a bit with something insightful. Scratch that. Hopefully I will be back in a bit with something.

Now if only I could find my thinking cap..


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If I had...

If I had a penny for every time someone said that THEY wished they had been the one to give Michelle her black eye.. I would have 30 cents.. And then I would go buy six 5 cent candies from 7-Eleven.


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I wonder how you get a "stress black eye" anyway.. Personally I think it has more to do with her newly acquired freedom of movement while sleeping. In the pyschiatric hospital she was strapped to the bed at night.

If I had 5 cents for every time Brad used the words "so badly", I would have 2 dollars.. And then I would buy a coffee and a donut at Tim Hortons..

"I so badly want to get to know you Meghan. I mean that. I hope you'll at least give me a chance to do that." -- before I send you home in 10 minutes at the next rose ceremony that is, make it quick.


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If I had a 10 cents for tear shed on last nights episode of the Bachelor, I would cash them in for a five dollar bill.. And then I'd use that five dollar bill to tip my waitress at dinner tonight.


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If I had a quarter for all the times that Stacey kicked herself for admitting she cheated, I would have 10 dollars.. And then I would use that 10 dollars to buy myself more coffee mugs.. I love coffee mugs..

"Cheater, I mean, Stacey.. Will you accept this.. Crap I'm out.."


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If I had a dollar for every time Ashley H accidentally showed her crazy last night, I would have 15 dollars.. And then I'd put that 15 dollars towards getting my teeth as white as hers..


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If I had a 20 dollar bill for everytime a Bachelor bearing gifts has pulled a woman aside, set up a picnic and shared a glass of wine infront of all the other bachelorettes, I would have 20 dollars.. And then I'd take that 20 dollars and bet someone that Brad wants to marry Emily..


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Happy Shower

Happy Bachelor Monday!!!!!!

Saturday I hit up the salon for a deep conditioning treatment, which in itself isn’t very interesting, if you want interesting though, I haven’t washed my hair since. That’s interesting. You might not think this is something to be proud about or something that you should openly inform everyone around you of, but I do. Before dry shampoo I either had to wash my hair every morning or surrender to being ugly that day.

I’m considering approaching Orlando Pita and offering to do an infomercial for them, I’m thinking something along the lines of the proactive commercials. We could title it, “Say Bye to Greasiness and Hello to Clean Beautiful Hair with Orlando Pita’s Solution.” It has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?

Throughout the infomercial we’ll have big before and after pictures flash across the screen. The key to these before and after pictures are the sad looking befores versus the happy looking afters. You want to imply that sad unsuccessful (crazy in this case) people have greasy hair and that happy successful people have clean voluminous hair.

Before


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After


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You know who always has clean hair??

Emily.... (cue creepy stocker music)


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If I ever did The Bachelorette I would ask for 29 goodlooking male bachelors annnnnd Emily. Just saying.

Hmmm what else did I do this weekend? On Sunday I attended a baby shower for my Man's cousin's wife. I believe her name was Alyssa, but I can't be sure. Instead of putting Dear Alyssa and Craig (if that is even her name) I began my card with, "Congrats!!!". I wonder if they noticed that I skipped over the pleasantries of acknowledging their names? The over abundance of exclamation marks were meant to serve as a distraction.

Now before you go thinking I'm a bad person you have to understand that I was only invited to the shower the day before by my Man's Grandma (I think she asked me because she wanted someone fun to talk to since she HAD to go). When I agreed to attend I had no idea that there were so many questions I should have asked prior to saying yes. It wasn't until I was standing in the card aisle at Superstore that I realized I did NOT know ENOUGH. There were too many card options. Cards for the unborn baby shower, cards for the new born baby shower, cards for the baby boy shower, cards for the baby girl shower, etc.. SO many cards with SO much potential of making me look like an asshole. Finally I found one that was safe. It said, "happy shower". Perfect. On my way out I grabbed a teddy bear with blue ribbon. Although blue typically means boy, I figured it was safer than pink. And does the baby REALLY care?

I could keep going on and on, telling you more baby shower stories or how my Man couldn't believe I had purchased a gift. "I told you not to get a gift. You didn't have to! No one would have cared. Besides, you weren't even invited. Did they invite you? No. My Grandma did. That's a second party invite. You didn't need a gift."

Wow, thanks for the pep talk champ. I can't WAIT to go this SHOWER.

PS They already had the baby and it was a girl.

A Trim

Messy got a hair cut...



Tah DUH







Her grandparents get home this weekend after spending a MONTH in AZ and since she's hardly presentable in the first picture I took her to Zoom Zoom Groom and had them fix her up. Now she won't be embarrassed when her two favorite people come to see her. And by "her" being embarrassed I mean "me". If she is any indication of what my future children will look like then I hope there is a Zoom Zoom Groom Kids.

Now I was going to post a picture of a disheveled little kid HERE. However, when I googled homeless kid, a starving child in Africa came up and I was immediately offended. THAT'S NOT what I mean't google. That's not funny.

One last thing, am I the only that wants to see this movie? I'm not ashamed, but I WILL need someone to go with because my Man says no.

Pictures!!

Yesterday as I was checking my gmail account, which I rarely do since next to no one emails it, and I came across an email from Barr Chong Kim Wong. The name alone should have been a red flag since it has a certain rhyming ring to it, but who am I to judge? Maybe that is exactly what the Wongs were shooting for with that one. Regardless we all know where this is going, I opened it. And here is what it said..

I am Chong Kim Wong, Attorney at law. I have contacted you to assist in
distributing the money left behind by my Late client, that shares the same
last name as yours,who lost his life alongside his wife and only child in
(Beirut-bound charter jet) plane crash on the Monday, 9 January 2006, Prior to
the Death of my Late Client.

Barr Chong Kim Wong

The fact that this "attorney at law" doesn't know how to write and form complete sentences aside, I didn't immediately disregard the idea that this Wong character's late client could be related to me or that his death(in a plane crash no less)in 2006 hadn't even caused so much as a stir amongst my family members. Doesn't anyone care about family anymore? No one thought to tell me about this? Nope, instead of acknowledging that is was clearly SPAM and trying to figure out what damage it had already inflicted on my computer, I toyed with idea that Wong might have some money for me.

I quickly, okay slowly, realized that my gmail account is in no way connected to my last name. Even if I email you my full name doesn't appear in your inbox. Hmmm.. So BARR CHONG KIM WONG, you're trying to tell me that ____ smartcookie died and you need my help to distribute his money?!? I'm not buying it. Anymore...

NOW here are a bajillion and one pictures from AZ courtesy of my Sister's camera..

DD and Brews

Last night my Man and I went on a double date!

We hit up Brewsters for supper and drinks...



Followed by Cheap Movie night...


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With this goodlooking couple..



It never fails (which is more than I can say for my academic pursuit) that everytime we get together with the Kress's we spend most the night laughing, listening to and telling entertaining stories. In The Dilemma, Vince Vaughn refers to Kevin James' character and his wife as his hero couple. I think I speak for my Man when I say that Lex and Jon are OUR hero couple. From conversations that my Man and I had it is very evident that we both think they have the ultimate relationship. Here are a few reasons why..

- They are SO social TOGETHER planning nights out with other couples and always including eachother where they can.

- That being said they still manage to maintain seperate girls nights/boy nights (because not all friends are "couple friends").

- They are both attractive. Everyone likes goodlooking people, even babies prefer them.

- It is evident that they love eachother. A lot.

- They both know how to tie one on and they're not afraid of doing it together. Lex has to hold her own hair back after one too many since Jon is likely hovering over the other vacant toilet in the house.

- They have FUN together.

- They go for regular couples massages. I want to go for regular couples massages.

- Their happiness is infectious. REALLY infectious, like whooping cough.

- And LAST but not LEAST, they make me SO excited for marriage with the love of mah life.



That's my veil by the way.