It's Monday, God Damn It

I go to bed every Sunday night and wake up to this thought. This morning this thought was followed by a few other thoughts as well. Like…

The Condo Castle upstairs toilet is totally fudged, God damn it. The end of my Man’s razor fell into the toilet mid flush, swirled up into an important part of the toilet and settled in. I’m not exactly sure how this happened but I can only assume that he was obviously trying to multitask and things got complicated. I’ve implemented a new rule in the Condo Castle, multitasking in the bathroom is only for those who sit not stand. Regardless, the upstairs toilet is out of order until his Uncle (a plumber) comes over and fixes it; walking down two flights of stairs to get to the bathroom way to much work.

My Digital Camera is huge, God damn it. Saturday was Lex’s low key afternoon wedding shower/followed by a crazy night out on the town (which by the way was all fantastic Kelly). Unfortunately, I didn’t take any pictures. This was mostly due to the fact that my digital camera is the size of a large brick. I believe Haley summed it up when she informed us that she’s on her 15th digital camera (party fouls, no judgments here) and I’m still lugging around a digi circa 1999. My Grandma is always picking up my purses and saying, “Oh my GOSH, this thing is SO heavy. WHAT do you have in HERE?” My camera.

We ate at the Fainting Goat..



And did things like this in the parking lot..



I ruined a whole box of Chicken Saturday night, God damn it. I got home from the bar around 3 o’clock and figured it was the perfect time for a small feast. After scrummaging through the freezer I decided on a frozen burrito with ranch for dipping of course (okay, I had two). When I woke up in the morning and headed to the fridge for a drink I noticed a familiar box sitting in the middle of the floor. That looks like the new box of chicken breasts my Man just bought. As I moved a little closer this was immediately confirmed. How this 7 pound box of chicken slipped by me and crashed on the floor at my feet unnoticed is beyond me. I grabbed a piece of paper from the cupboard. To Do Today: Go by my Man a new box of chicken.

I ate 8-10 meals yesterday, God damn it. One of which looked like this (one also looked like a blizzard).



That's popcorn with Cinnamon, Almond Butter, and Salt. Well that's how it started anyway. I decided to add Sugar Free Syrup shortly after. My Man came home from golfing to the smell of burnt popcorn and this weird concoction. He doesn't even ask anymore.

I’m still hungover, God damn it. Saturday night was SO much fun and I can still pin point the exact moment when I knew I was in for a two day hangover. It was probably about 12:00 o’clock, we had been drinking steady for a good 6 hours when Jenna called for our attention, “Okay guys, this is it. Either we go hard or go home. What’s it going to be?” A second wind flew through the entire table and like a football team in the 4th quarter of a championship game we all yelled back, “Go Hard.” Next you thing you know I was surrounded by shots.

I have to get out of bed and shower, God damn it. Personal Hygiene is so much work. If I don’t shower I wonder if anyone would notice. Why have not purchased dry shampoo yet?

Now I have to stop blogging and actually work, God damn it.

I wonder how many people I offended by using God’s name in vain..

Damn it.