So for the last couple of days my Man and I have been in First Aid and CPR training. That’s right. I’m officially a “first-aider”. That is until it expires in 2014. Mmm hmm. I could splint you up, wash your wounds and attempt to give you the Heimlich maneuver.
WE can save YOU
I can even use one of THESE..
However, if you’re going to collapse in front of me it would be better to do it within the next few months while it’s fresh. Four years is a long time, two and I’m liable to shock you AND myself; in which case we’ll need TWO more first-aiders since now there are two unconscious victims laying on top each other.
The class was really fun, but mostly because I got to take it with my Man. We seemed to think giving each other splints, slings, pretend CPR and the Heimlich was pretty funny. Well I did anyway. I imagine the instructor wasn’t amused by my giggling the entire time he was “checking my body for injuries” or responsiveness. I also found it funny pretending to be serious and hollering, “get the AED” at him while I performed CPR on a naked half-bodied dummy. "FASTER, I'm going to lose him!! So what if he's already missing his bottom half and doesn't have arms!!"
Now before you can become an official “First-aider” you have to pass an open book test. My Man got 100 percent on his exam and I, well, I got a few wrong, which is strange since I was half copying him. And it was open book. Anyway, for starters, I said that if I were cutting an umbilical cord (if this is the case than I think you have bigger problems anyway) that I would cut it 10 to 15 cm meters away from the belly button. The RIGHT answer is 5 to 10. So it’s a little long? Big deal. I also tried to say that CPR restores partial flow of oxygenated blood to the heart and brain keeping the victim alive until EMS arrives (which is true) AND that it also prevents cardiac arrest and EVEN restarts the heart (not true). Turns out it does not prevent cardiac arrest since that person is already IN cardiac arrest. And, although it would be nice, it does NOT restart the heart. Other than that I can’t remember what else I got wrong. I know what you’re thinking, you hope I’m around if you ever go down don’t you?
One thing I noticed about the course was that with all the potential emergencies like diabetic emergency, heart attack, stroke, bone break due to osteoporosis, etc.. We not only talked about how to handle the situation but also prevention. And you know what prevention always came down to with these sorts of diseases and illnesses? DIET and EXERCISE. Clearly in some cases it can be hereditary, but in MOST cases these are your two best forms of prevention.
Other forms of prevention..
Impaled Objects: Stay away from flying objects.
Snakebites: Do not aggravate a snake.
Swallowed Poisons: Don’t drink cleaners.
Speaking of diet and exercise. Actually just diet. And more like, food. Friday night was my SPLURGE night and MEL'S bday celebration.
I don't know how many times I have to tell her, "you are not a wizard".
Since it was a sweat pant and no make-up kind of affair I only took pictures of the SPREAD, which was well stocked with lots of Mel's favorite things.
I hosted at my parents place, since the Condo Castle isn't as spacious. Well and because their house is beautiful.
Double Chocolate Single-Chin Brownies, which I frosted with vegan Cream Cheese icing from the Carrot Cake recipe. This is ANOTHER great recipe. And another recipe down in my quest to make the ENTIRE book.
Brie Cheese with Maple Syrup and crushed Walnuts..
Salsa, Nacho Mmm Sauce and White Bean Guacamole..
And my new OBSESSION, Veggie Straws..
If you don't see this bag when you open your pantry I hope it's because you ate them all. Someone described them to me as crunchy McDonalds fries. Thankfully, unlike McDonalds fries, I don't plan on dipping these ones in mayo or "McChicken Sauce" as rotten ronnie's likes to call it. Sensible Portions did good. I think? I haven't actually checked the ingredient list. They're probably better than doritos though!
I also like the fact that a portion is 68 straws. That's my kind of serving size. I like to pretend that the entire bag is 68 straws. Just go with it.
Happy Wednesday!! Call me if you choke.