Happy Shower

Happy Bachelor Monday!!!!!!

Saturday I hit up the salon for a deep conditioning treatment, which in itself isn’t very interesting, if you want interesting though, I haven’t washed my hair since. That’s interesting. You might not think this is something to be proud about or something that you should openly inform everyone around you of, but I do. Before dry shampoo I either had to wash my hair every morning or surrender to being ugly that day.

I’m considering approaching Orlando Pita and offering to do an infomercial for them, I’m thinking something along the lines of the proactive commercials. We could title it, “Say Bye to Greasiness and Hello to Clean Beautiful Hair with Orlando Pita’s Solution.” It has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?

Throughout the infomercial we’ll have big before and after pictures flash across the screen. The key to these before and after pictures are the sad looking befores versus the happy looking afters. You want to imply that sad unsuccessful (crazy in this case) people have greasy hair and that happy successful people have clean voluminous hair.

Before


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After


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You know who always has clean hair??

Emily.... (cue creepy stocker music)


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If I ever did The Bachelorette I would ask for 29 goodlooking male bachelors annnnnd Emily. Just saying.

Hmmm what else did I do this weekend? On Sunday I attended a baby shower for my Man's cousin's wife. I believe her name was Alyssa, but I can't be sure. Instead of putting Dear Alyssa and Craig (if that is even her name) I began my card with, "Congrats!!!". I wonder if they noticed that I skipped over the pleasantries of acknowledging their names? The over abundance of exclamation marks were meant to serve as a distraction.

Now before you go thinking I'm a bad person you have to understand that I was only invited to the shower the day before by my Man's Grandma (I think she asked me because she wanted someone fun to talk to since she HAD to go). When I agreed to attend I had no idea that there were so many questions I should have asked prior to saying yes. It wasn't until I was standing in the card aisle at Superstore that I realized I did NOT know ENOUGH. There were too many card options. Cards for the unborn baby shower, cards for the new born baby shower, cards for the baby boy shower, cards for the baby girl shower, etc.. SO many cards with SO much potential of making me look like an asshole. Finally I found one that was safe. It said, "happy shower". Perfect. On my way out I grabbed a teddy bear with blue ribbon. Although blue typically means boy, I figured it was safer than pink. And does the baby REALLY care?

I could keep going on and on, telling you more baby shower stories or how my Man couldn't believe I had purchased a gift. "I told you not to get a gift. You didn't have to! No one would have cared. Besides, you weren't even invited. Did they invite you? No. My Grandma did. That's a second party invite. You didn't need a gift."

Wow, thanks for the pep talk champ. I can't WAIT to go this SHOWER.

PS They already had the baby and it was a girl.