Posers

So I had to post a little later today since I accepted what appeared to be a friendly virus protection offer. It was NOT. It was a virus POSING as virus protection. Whoever thought of that one, hats off to you. That one's even better than the virus emails titled "hi :)" you receive from friends and family. That one always got me, "Hmmm.. 'hi :)' from my Sarah I haven't talked to in 7 years, this one can't be a virus. This is definitely her." CLICK.

Did you watch the Hills last night?! I DID. I actually shed a tear for Heidi's Mom. Could you imagine your child moving to LA, marrying an a**hole and having you arrested? On top of all of that she spent loads of money altering her appearance which actually came from you? Heidi, that's offensive. You could have at least sent her a letter first.

"Dear Mom,

Although I am grateful for the fact that you gave birth to me, raised me, supported me, loved me and created me I think it's time we part ways. It's been a great ride but it's over. I have decided to get a revision nose job, chin reduction, mini brow lift, botox, fat injections, ear pinning, liposuction and buttock augmentation. By the time I'm done, I hope, that it will look as though Donatello Versace is my birth mother.

Peace & Crystals,
Heidi"

MJ


Plus Donatello

Equals

Heidi

Okay so I also have to ask, has anyone else noticed how much better Audrina looks lately? She just keeps getting hotter and hotter and I could not quite put my finger on what it was. Until NOW. If you google "Audrina's eyes", which to be fair are a little strange, things like 'ceiling eyes', 'why does Audrina always look up?' and 'I used photoshop to make Audrina's eyes normal' comes up.

I think they might be fixed? I can't think of any other reason why she looks so good. She's always had good hair and a bangin bod. What do YOU think? I wonder how you get ceiling eyes... There must have been something really interesting on the top of her mom's uterus.

Now let's talk about Kristin.

If I could write a letter for Kristin to Brody this is what it would say...

"Dear Brody,

Yes you are good looking, but looks fade. Doucheyness is forever. Good luck with your "new" girlfriend. I hope the revolving door hits her on the way out.

K"

So do you want to hear about what I did last night? Well i'm going to tell you anyway. I went for a walk with my Sister, her Husband and Bailey. Sure the sidewalk was a little crowded but it was enjoyable. The highlight of the walk was probably when we passed a little girls softball practice. I noticed one of the mom's lounging on a lawn chair, reading a magazine. As we walked passed I got a closer look at the article she was reading, "The Naughtiest Thing I've Ever Done." You know what I thought? I hope that's me one day. Mother of one, still hot, reading inappropriate things in public with small children around. When that day comes I'll know I really made it.

When I got home I figured I deserved a Pita Pizza with CHICKEN from Extreme. I know this is becoming a bad habit since the employees now know me by name. Gawd, I just want to go in there and be anonymous. Why do they have to call me out like that? Everyone else in line looks at me like, "how MANY times do you come here a day?" ONCE, only once. If it becomes twice, well then we will have a problem.

After finishing my Pita Pizza and watching the Hill I summoned my inner Twihard. I read at LEAST 100 pages. Okay, maybe more like 50 but still. I am one step closer to my Twilight Date Night.

I also spent some time with these guys...



You seriously need to try eating Peanut Butter straight from the jar with a Butter Knife. I kid you not you'll never go back to a spoon. I was in bed by 10:00.