The Alphabet Song

Have you ever thought about the alphabet? As I was driving back to work from Walmart yesterday ( I was there picking up garbage bags – the importance of some of my jobs are truly immeasurable) I started thinking about the letter W. For the first time in all my 24 years of living I realized why W is such a long awkward letter to pronounce. It’s because it looks like a DOUBLE U, no?

Why is W so unimportant that it is the only letter named after one that already exists? It’s like the creator of the alphabet was cruising along, “Q, R, S, T, U.” Got lazy around V and said, “F*@k it, it looks like two U’s.” He probably questioned himself, “Well actually it kind of looks like two V’s, but it can’t go V, double V.” Then he got his second wind, X Y and Z.


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Speaking of the alphabet, when I was younger the alphabet song really fudged me up. Learning your letters by singing them is a bad idea. I mean it did help me learn A through K. However, it’s when I got to the letter L and the song really picked up and came together that I lost my way. I was too into it I guess. Too busy trying to hit the high notes that I was singing “eeeelllllimenoPPPPPPPP” and not saying, “L, M, N, O, P,” That’s right. Now if you’re 5 and someone tells you to write the alphabet out or name each letter out in order what do you suppose you said when it comes to “eeeelllllimenoPPPPP”. I’ll tell you..

You called out each letter as if it weren’t a song and then sang, “eeeelllllimenoPPPP” hoping that teacher didn’t realize that you had no idea what letters were involved with that part of the song. Or you wrote out something like this, “A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,_____,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,N,Z”

Did you notice that my alphabet also had an extra N? That was thanks to end of the song, “W, X, Y annnnnnnnd Z”

The song’s got to go.

On another note, if you ever feel like just going for a drink with one of the boys.. Call Alli.


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Turns out she's the only one in America who DIDN'T know Brad liked her as a FRIEND.